


Hallmark should really make cards for this shit

by Jessicatty



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Constipation, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mating, Secret Relationship, Silly Boys, The unicorn does not get saved, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessicatty/pseuds/Jessicatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the pack finds a unicorn in the woods they call Stiles to come help since he should be the only virgin left in the pack. Should being the key word here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hallmark should really make cards for this shit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1lostone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/gifts).



Stiles was comfortable. Really really really comfortable. The kind of comfortable where moving would totally equal death because there was no way he could move a single muscle after what Derek had put him through. Not that he was complaining or anything because whoa lets not get hasty here. He loved every second of sex with Derek. Not just sex either. He loved every minute of everything as long as it was with Derek. There was a lot of sex though, because apparently werewolves were  _insatiable_  little horndogs (ha a dog pun- Stiles was  _hilarious_ ) who couldn’t keep their paw off his smokin’ hot(?) teenaged body. Not that Stiles was complaining about that either.

None of that was the point though. The point was that Stiles was feeling very blissed out and boneless and Derek was cuddling him from behind (Derek was a giant secret cuddlewolfmonster and spooned him at every given opportunity) and Stiles did not ever want to move again. Unless there were curly fries because curly fries called him like a moth to the flame. A very delicious flame. Stiles might have been a little bit hungry actually.

He still wasn’t moving though.

 

He must of been shifting without realizing it or maybe the force of his wandering mind had woken Derek up from his half daze because there were suddenly sharp teeth on the back of his neck and a tongue laving away the slight sting they left behind. Stiles leaned back into Derek and relaxed as the arms around him tightened just a fraction enough to be constricting rather than merely there. Derek let out a pleased sound against his skin, leaving tingles as the vibrations traveled through Stiles’s back. Stiles let out a moan of his own and was deciding if the soreness he was sure to have would really be all that worse if they went another round when his phone rang.

Derek growled as Stiles struggled to pull away and for a moment he thought that the werewolf wouldn’t actually let him go but then the arms around him loosened enough for him to reach over and fumble for his phone on the nightstand. 

It was Scott.

He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or angry at the interruption. They’d already had sex four times today since his father was out of town for some law enforcement seminar two states over and would be back on Monday. He had taken a little too much adderall when his dad had been telling him about it all to be honest and his mind had still been stuck on the paths of water sliding down Derek’s insane pecs and abs from the shower earlier to really absorb all the information he was given. It wasn’t his most proud moment but hey, he was teenage boy and Derek was  _hot_. Like super hot.  _Mega_  hot. 

Stiles was still kind of confused as to why exactly Derek was messing him scrawny little him when he could have his pick of anyone in Beacon Hills. Scratch that. Derek could have his pick out of anyone in the freaking universe because he was so hot that even aliens would probably want to do him. He was like a werewolf Captain Kirk. Except, you know, without the eye twinkle and an added general I-could-be-a-mass-murderer vibe. (They both still had a smile that could make you breathless though.)

So that had left the weekend as total Stiles-and-Derek-Couple-Time-to-Do-Coupleish-Things that was quickly turning into just Stiles-and-Derek-Sexy-Time-to-Do-Sexyish-Things. His ass was gonna need a break at some point. He should probably be thanking Scott then because there was no way he could actually say no to Derek without outside help. He was just really pathetically weak like that.

Stiles sighed and leaned back into Derek’s hold as he answered the phone.

“Hi you’ve reached-“

“STILES! STILES! WE NEED YOUR HELP THERE’S THIS- NO! GUYS DON’T GO NEAR IT! JACKSON-  _STOP_!”

God damn it if Scott and rest of the puppies had managed to get into some kind of life threatening situation the one weekend he and Derek had his house to themselves he was going to…he was going to…

Well whatever he was going to do it wouldn’t be pleasant. Derek was tensed and alert behind him no doubt picking up things his puny human ears couldn’t even dream of over the phone. 

“Scott would you stop yelling at idiots and tell us  _what the fuck is going on_?”

“Yeah sorry its just that- wait. Us? What do you mean us? Who’s with you?”

Trust Scott to pick up on inconsequential details instead of getting to the point. Bless his little puppy soul. 

Derek snorted.

“Wait…is that. That can’t be…is that. Is Derek with you?! What’s Derek doing with you? He told us all not to call him this weekend unless someone was bleeding out! Are you bleeding?! What’s going on!?”

Derek huffed and took the phone from him ignoring the outraged noises he made. Stupid ridiculously hot thieving werewolf boyfriends(?). Stiles twisted to glare (read: pout) at the jerk over his shoulder. Derek had better be soooo glad he still didn’t really feel like moving right now otherwise there would be an epic struggle for his kidnapped phone. Phonenapped. Derek was a phonenapper.

“ _SCOTT_ ….None of your business…I said  _shut up_. Tell me what happened.” 

Derek scrunched his face at whatever panicked babble Scott was gracing his strangely tiny and adorable ears with. He was never going to tell Derek that his ears were itty bitty and cute as kittens though because he liked his face the way it was thank-you-very-much. And that was whole and generally unblemished.

“What.”

Stiles rolled his eyes and squirmed around on the bed so he was facing Derek. No one but Derek could actually make a question sound like a statement outside of the internet. It was like the dude just punched punctuation (ha!) in the nuts and decided to do things his way. The  _Alpha_  way. Stiles smothered his giggles into Derek’s chest.

Derek lifted his free hand to rest of the back of his head and ruffle the fuzz he called hair. Mmmm. He felt all tingly now. Derek had magic hands. 

“…we’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

Derek gave his head one last rub before pulling his hand away. Stiles tilted his head to look up at him and frowned at the total non expression the werewolf was wearing. His heart started to pound and fear and adrenaline crept through his system as he thought of all the thing that could put that expression on Derek’s face. Derek stared back at him.

“Derek?”

“…”

“Derek come on what’s going on? You have to tell me, dude. That isn’t fair. You stole my phone- you’re a total phonenapper by the way- and wouldn’t let me talk so I couldn’t hear what Scott had to say and now you’re just sitting there all silent like. Not that you’re particularly chatty on any other given day but-“

“ _Stiles_.”

That was a definite growl. Good. He was making progress. Now all he needed was an actual word  _other than his name_.

“Yeeeeeeees?”

“…the pack found a unicorn in the woods. It’s caught in a bear trap and they can’t get near it to help it because none of them are virgins.”

A unicorn!? Are you  _serious_? Wait a second. If none of them were virgins and they wanted Stiles to come help then-

He had a very bad feeling about this.

“And they called me why exactly?”

Derek gave him a flat and disbelieving look that totally implied that he was questioning Stiles’s intelligence and his reasons for being in a strange mostly only sexual relationship with him. Stiles wasn’t very clear on the matter of what they were because Derek wasn’t very clear on the matter. Go figure.

“Right.”

They both stared at the ceiling.

“…so do you think that Hallmark makes Sorry-I’ve-been-lying-to-you-all-this-time-but-I’m-kind-of-in-a-kinky-extremely-sexual-reationship-thing-with-your-alpha-so-I-can’t-exactly-help-you-play-nursemaid-to-your-wounded-unicorn cards?”

“…”

“…yeah I didn’t think so. So we should take a shower at least before we go out there or something right?”

It took them an hour because it turned out that Stiles could go another round after all. He should have made them shower separately.

========

Scott got all up in his space as soon as he stepped out of his jeep. 

“Dude! Where are you been? Derek said you guys would be here hours ago! Which by the way man what the hell were you and Derek even doing together?”

Stiles laughed nervously and glanced around everywhere but his friend’s face. This was all going to go horribly and Derek was going to kill Scott because Scott was going to flip and attack his freaking alpha all because Stiles didn’t want to actually tell anyone that he was dating(?) Derek freaking Hale of all people. Scott and Derek’s relationship was still pretty rocky at best (it was slowly getting better every time Derek saved Scott’s admittedly idiot ass from dying) and while Scott kind of respected Derek now and trusted him to keep them safe he still didn’t  _like_  him. So Stiles had just kind of decided that what he and Derek did was their business and no one really needed to know unless they figured it out themselves.

“Nothing! There was no doing of any kind. Of anything. Or anyone. At all. Jesus Scott, you and your imagination. So you said something about a unicorn? Right? Lead the way!”

He ignored the amused snort Derek made and the way that Scott was staring at him like he had grown a second head. Stiles clamped down the urge to check if he actually had because that would just be the cherry on the fucked up sundae this day was becoming.

“Okay man, but we’re going to talk about this later. You smell like him more than you do yourself lately and its  _weird_. So weird.”

“Ha ha ha. Yeah. Right. That is  _so weird_.” 

His voice totally did not just crack okay? Anyone that said so was having auditory hallucinations.

Scott gave him another look that spoke volumes and turned away to lead them to the clearing where the entire pack (minus Allison) were standing around in. Isaac, Boyd, and Erica all turned to look at them approach in unison. It was kind of cute as much as it was creepy. Jackson pointedly ignored their existence and Lydia followed the rest of their gazes and raised her eyebrows at them.

Everyone was looking at him and even though he knew it was ridiculous he felt like they all knew exactly what he and Derek had been doing all day. Oh god they could probably smell it couldn’t they? But they had to have smelled Derek all over him before and they had never put two and two together but. But this time they knew for a fact that Derek had been with him and they were  _alone_  together. Alone for  _no good reason_. On a Saturday. And Derek had told them not to bother him.

“So…hey…guys. Yeah. Oh look a unicorn! I’ll just. Yeah.”

Stiles walked briskly away (he wasn’t running okay? It was strategic retreat) from them and into the clearing where he gaped.

It was seriously a fucking unicorn. 

What the  _actual fuck_?

He hadn’t thought that Scott would lie about something like this but there was a huge gap in between knowing something and actually witnessing it for yourself. It was a bit bigger than any horse Stiles had ever seen but he wasn’t sure if that was because he’d only seen small horses or unicorns really were just bigger. Its coat was pure white. A really unnatural white that seemed to be glowing. Its mane was this crazy white silvery color that was sparkling like it was covered in  _glitter_. The horn was sharp and dangerous looking and Stiles really hoped that unicorns were actually benign because he really didn’t look forward to being run through with that and oh wow. Apparently unicorns had black blood. Who would have thought?

It looked like something straight out of the pages from a storybook (minus the blood)-probably because it actually was. Unicorns belonged in fairytales not the woods of Beacon Hills California. What was it even doing here? How did it get here? 

Actually why were there bear traps in the woods?  Were there actually bears around here? He would have to ask Derek later.

He took a step closer which was turned out to be not a great idea as the unicorn seemed to have noticed him now. It whinnied and turned its head to look at him with terrified black eyes. Stiles froze and stared back.

“Um.”

The creature reared on its back legs in alarm letting out a powerful neigh that felt a lot like a warning to stay the fuck away. Which was weird. He didn’t know a neigh could sound that way. It landed back on all four feet and backed away warily, keeping its eyes on Stiles like it was afraid to turn its back on him. He took a step forward and it whinnied again before turning around and actually fleeing as best it could with its injury.

Stiles gaped as it dissapeared into the forest out of sight.

“…Um.” Okay so yeah that had just happened.

He turned back around to see everyone but Scott giving Derek incredulous looks.

“I guess you’ve been putting that mouth of his to better use, huh?” Erica said finally and turned to give Stiles a smugly superior smirk. Isaac tittered next to her before adding in his two cents because even though he’d mellowed out Erica brought out his mischievous side. “So does this mean we have a new stepmommy?”

Scott now had that look on his face that meant that his little brain was furiously taking pieces of information and putting them together any moment now he’ll make that triumphant face that he does every time he figures something out- yeeaaaah that one right there.

“Oh my god! Derek! You- Stiles! What have you been  _doing to him_!? It at least let the rest of us within two feet before it started backing away!”

Stiles cringed. He couldn’t watch this. Scott’s eyes were wolf yellow and there was a definite growly tone to his voice that he didn’t like at all. He had to talk Scott down before he did something stupid like  _attack Derek_.

“He hasn’t been doing anything to me that I didn’t ask for, Scott. Okay? This is entirely 100% consensual and frankly none of your business. I never nagged you about what a great idea Allison was did I? No I supported you the entire time through everything and-“

Okay on second thought mentioning the touchy subject of Allison in front of Scott right now wasn’t that great of an idea because Scott was looking definitely more wolfy and also walking over to him now. Scotts relationship with Allison was very Complicated. Yes, with a capital C. The whole kanima debacle and thing with her mom had kind of shook things up. A lot.

Suddenly Derek was in front of him and totally blocking his view of angry Scott and he  _roared_. Stiles stood on his tip toes and peeked over the taller man’s shoulder to see Scott and the rest of the wolves cowering on the ground and whimpering. Even Lydia looked alarmed and was clinging to a nervous looking Jackson.

“All of you. Shut. Up. What I do with my mate is not open for discussion. Its between me and Stiles.”

Um what? Mate?

Stiles tapped Derek on the shoulder.

Derek turned around still half wolfed out and eyes alpha red. Stiles smiled at him and watched as Derek’s eyes bled back to his normal and all hair receded. He wrapped himself around one of Derek’s arms and led him away from the pack and back toward his jeep. The pack could wait. He and Derek obviously had important things to discuss. Words clearly needed to be had.

“So. Deeeeeerek. Why don’t we just take a walk over here away from everyone else and oh hey yeah you can explain why you never thought to bring up this whole ‘mate’ thing to me in all the three months we’ve been fucking around leaving me totally afraid that I was going to leak my feelings all over you and this would end one day? Yeah? That sound good?”

“…”

Derek kind of looked like he wanted to panic (so typical) and they walked away to cat calls and whistles of Erica, Lydia, and Isaac.

It was all good though because they had the rest of the weekend to have an epic fight about withholding feelings and information and even epic-er make up sex. 


End file.
